Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
