I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
