Pappa wants mamma naked
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
