he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
