I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
