I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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