remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
