and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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