Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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