I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
