dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
