there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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