she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
