found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
