i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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