Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
