I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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