Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize