Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
as a side note pls kill me
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
