You made me cry and you don't even care
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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