Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
