So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
