I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
