Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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