I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
