I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
