we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
