he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
