elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
