My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
