So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
