I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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