dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He did a backflip because drugs
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