im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
