I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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