Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
