I'm pants shitting drunk right now
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wish i was in the wii world.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
