my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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