How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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