i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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