i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
