you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
