So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
