the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
