I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
