The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
