I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Shame - the story of my life.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize