He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
