Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
