Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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