I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
how can u be prego again
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
FUCK WHALES
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
