legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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