Pappa wants mamma naked
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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