I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
