I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
