I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
