I will die if light touches me.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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