Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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