sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
