I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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