Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
