This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize