he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
