I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
