Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
foreskin is a definite game changer
Vodka?
Forever.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
