I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
