So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
