Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
