we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
