I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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