I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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